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PopEntertainment.com > Reviews > Movie Reviews > White Chicks

MOVIE REVIEWS

WHITE CHICKS  (2004)

Starring Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Jaime King, Frankie Faison, Lochlyn Munro, John Heard, Busy Philipps, Terry Crews, Brittany Daniel, Eddie Velez, Jessica Caulfiel, Maitland Ward, Anne Dudek, Rochelle Aytes, Jennifer Carpenter, Faune Chambers, John Reardon, Steven Grayhm, Drew Sidora, Casey Lee and Heather McDonald.

Screenplay by Keenan Ivory Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Andy McElfresh, Michael Anthony Snowden and Xavier Cook.

Directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans.

Distributed by Revolution Studios.  97 minutes.  Rated PG-13.

White Chicks

I just can't get past the makeup. 

I keep trying to write this review without letting the insanely awful makeup job take over everything I say.  But I can't. 

This movie could be as funny as classic gender-bending movies like Tootsie and Some Like It Hot, and I still couldn't take it seriously.  It's not, of course, in fact the writing, acting and directing make me nostalgic for the simple pleasures of Juwanna Mann.  None of that matters, though.  It's all about the makeup.

The makeup isn't just bad, it's scary bad.  It's couldn't pass muster in Madame Tussaud's bad.  It's "sorry guys we might as well throw in the towel, this just isn't working" bad. 

From the first time I saw the coming attractions trailer for this a couple of weeks ago, I was like, "you've got to be kidding."  They really don't think we're going to buy this, do they? 

Apparently they do.  We are supposed to believe that two screw-up African-American FBI agents (two of the Wayans brothers, Shawn and Marlon) are given a cake assignment of guarding two spoiled debutantes.  When they can't even handle this simple assignment, instead of facing the music, they decide to go undercover as the women? 

It doesn't help, of course, that the storyline is stupid, clichéd junk.  But are we supposed to believe that people who have known these girls their whole lives would not notice that they suddenly look like mannequins?  Even if the makeup wasn't a total disaster, these guys have at least six inches and fifty pounds on the girls. 

Not only does everyone in the posh Hamptons resort believe that these gargoyles are really women, but every guy in the place is trying to get with them.  No one in the world, no matter how desperately horny, could ever be slightly attracted to the title characters.  If every character in the movie is so dumb that they'd fall for a ridiculous ruse like this, why would we want to watch them?

I could go on and on about how unfunny it all is, or how dumb the kidnapping plot is, or how ridiculous the acting is.  I could marvel about the fact that it took SIX screenwriters to come up with this crap.  There's no point, though.

I just can't get past the makeup.  (6/04)

Dave Strohler

Copyright © 2004 PopEntertainment.comAll rights reserved. Posted: July 4, 2004.

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Copyright © 2004  PopEntertainment.comAll rights reserved. Posted: July 4, 2004.