WHITE CHICKS (2004) |
| Starring
Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans,
Jaime King, Frankie Faison, Lochlyn Munro, John Heard, Busy Philipps,
Terry Crews, Brittany Daniel, Eddie Velez, Jessica Caulfiel, Maitland
Ward, Anne Dudek, Rochelle Aytes, Jennifer Carpenter, Faune Chambers,
John Reardon, Steven Grayhm, Drew Sidora, Casey Lee and Heather McDonald.
Screenplay by Keenan
Ivory Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Andy McElfresh, Michael
Anthony Snowden and Xavier Cook.
Directed by
Keenan Ivory Wayans.
Distributed by Revolution Studios. 97 minutes. Rated
PG-13. |
|
White
Chicks
I just
can't get past the makeup.
I keep
trying to write this review without letting the insanely awful makeup job
take over everything I say. But I can't.
This
movie could be as funny as classic gender-bending movies like Tootsie
and Some Like It Hot, and I still couldn't take it seriously.
It's not, of course, in fact the writing, acting and directing make me
nostalgic for the simple pleasures of Juwanna Mann. None of
that matters, though. It's all about the makeup.
The
makeup isn't just bad, it's scary bad. It's couldn't pass muster in
Madame Tussaud's bad. It's "sorry guys we might as well throw in the
towel, this just isn't working" bad.
From the
first time I saw the coming attractions trailer for this a couple of weeks
ago, I was like, "you've got to be kidding." They really don't think
we're going to buy this, do they?
Apparently they do. We are
supposed to believe that two screw-up African-American FBI agents (two
of the Wayans brothers, Shawn and Marlon)
are given a cake assignment of guarding
two spoiled debutantes. When they can't even handle this simple
assignment, instead of facing the music, they decide to go undercover as the
women?
It doesn't help, of course,
that the storyline is stupid, clichéd junk. But are we supposed to
believe that people who have known these girls their whole lives would not
notice that they suddenly look like mannequins? Even if the makeup
wasn't a total disaster, these guys have at least six inches and fifty
pounds on the girls.
Not only does everyone in
the posh Hamptons resort believe that these gargoyles are really women, but
every guy in the place is trying to get with them. No one
in the world, no matter how desperately horny, could ever be slightly
attracted to the title characters. If every character in the movie is
so dumb that they'd fall for a ridiculous ruse like this, why would we want
to watch them?
I could
go on and on about how unfunny it all is, or how dumb the kidnapping plot
is, or how ridiculous the acting is. I could marvel about the fact
that it took SIX screenwriters to come up with this crap. There's no point, though.
I just
can't get past the makeup. (6/04)
Dave
Strohler
Copyright © 2004 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved.
Posted: July 4, 2004. 
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Copyright © 2004
PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved.
Posted: July 4, 2004.
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