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PopEntertainment.com > Miscellaneous > Rules for Show Biz
 
PopEntertainment Rules for Show Biz...
 

In a perfect world, we would be in charge of the entertainment biz and all of these things would be a given!

No singer can release a live album (or a remix album, or even worse a greatest hits album!) before they have released at least four studio albums. Lately, it has become standard procedure for the new flavor of the month to release a live or remix album within a year to keep the momentum going (see Erykah Badu, Hanson, Linkin Park, Mariah Carey, Milli Vanilli, etc.) It never works, the albums never sell well.  Artistically, well, they’re just the same old songs performed poorly, with maybe a cover or two to make the die hards feel they have to have it. Just remember this – this novel marketing concept was first employed to show off the talents of Vanilla Ice on Extremely Live.

 

It would be understood that the term "It’s a great thrill ride" in a movie’s ad is just shorthand for, "this movie has no plot and no acting, but the special effects are okay." This has become the standard review-speak, any hack who writes about movies in Peoria can make a national ad campaign if he just uses those five words. In the poster for the horrible Ray Liotta/Lauren Holly action pic Turbulence, this quote was in significantly larger type than the movie’s title. A movie isn’t a thrill ride, a rollercoaster is.

 

Series on the TV networks should be allowed the same freedom as the ones on cable.  Once cutting edge series like NYPD Blue and Friends seem pretty toothless now when compared to the everything-goes cursing and nudity of The Sopranos, Sex & The City and Six Feet Under.  Not that those are necessarily the most important parts of the shows, but they give cable fare a realism that a network show just can't approach with their action and dialogue having to get past the network legal department.  And please don't give me the tired old argument about kids.  If you can't parent your children well enough to keep them away from adult fare, why should the rest of us have to pay?

 

The dumbest lines in good movies should never become the catch phrases. Suddenly we are inundated by a series of stupid tag lines coming from otherwise good films. "Life is like a box of chocolates," "Show me the money!" and "I see dead people" are the last lines that should have caught on with the public from Forrest Gump, Jerry Maguire and The Sixth Sense.

 

More Jennifer Love Hewitt! Some people would say that she is getting over-exposed with the TV series and three or four movies a year, we say bring them on! We can’t get enough!

 

No more than two artists could get a credit (or for that matter, even perform) on a song. If two talentless people can’t make a song listenable, how could five? There would be no more songs by Talentless featuring Old Jerkoff, Lil’ Talentless, The Goofball and Whore. If this rule puts Master P out of business, so be it…

 

Jay Leno can only use a punchline once.  On The Tonight Show, host Leno has a bad habit of repeating the punchline over and over when the audience is silent.  We heard you the first time, Jay.  It wasn't funny.  Saying it over won't make it funnier.  A third and fourth time even less so.  It was just a bad joke.  Move on already. 

 

No Tom Green!  Well, that one is pretty self-explanatory, don't you think?

 

Jay S. Jacobs

 

 

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Revised: September 10, 2016.